


In Love With A Dream 2.0

by mimillekoishi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Crack, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Some angst, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimillekoishi/pseuds/mimillekoishi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is a novice singer. Lexa is an accomplished actress. They haven't spoken with each other in ten years but secretly watched each other's careers from afar. What if they happen to meet again?</p><p> </p><p>This story is the remix of my first fic called "In love with a dream"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Den - Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> To all of you who read the first version of this, THANK YOU! Thanks for loving this story and sorry for being such a bad writer with no regular schedule and too weak to continue a work already existing...  
> To all of you who haven't read the first version, PLEASE DON'T! I am french. My english a year ago was very... Different (ok terrible to be honest) so the first version is... yeah...
> 
> I won't continue the other version, I am sorry. I was an inexperimented writer when I started In love with a dream and the picky writer that I am today just couldn't continue the fic without "fixig" everything that was wrong. But I just HATE to rewrite. Like really. Rereading myself and wanting to change everything without being allowed to is frustrating. Which is why I took the decision to change the narration, to make a real work of rewriting. The story is the same, some dialogues will stay but the descriptions, the narration in general will be completely different, hopefully better.
> 
> I hope my old readers will enjoy this version as much as the first and will forgive me for being so weak and complicated.  
> And you new readers, I hope you'll like this story. 
> 
> In any case and as always, I'm always curious to know what's in your heads guys so please share your thoughts in the comments :)

 

_Alone in my bed I’m waiting_

_For you to call in the morning_

 

 

“Clarke.”

It is soft and distant, a whisper of her name she's sure she's heard before. Somewhere.

“Clarke.”

The feminine yet childish voice calls once more, insistant and pleading.

“Yes?”

She answers the voice and it's a familiar laugh she hears this time. It's a giggle she knows by heart and she smiles. She knows to whom the voice is, knows every fluctuation of it, knows that she's dreaming again, of that world she wishes had never drifted away.

Slowly she sees pictures, images of a park in summer, chocolate and vanilla, the ducks' behinds emerging from the water, the green bench, the old lady feeding pigeons, and the girl. With her wild brown mane of hair, her bright green eyes and large hands. With her soft smiling lips, her love of cinema and the tiny star shaped scar on her knee.

 

Then the dreamy vision is blurred, swallowed by a white cloud and it's another voice resounding.

“Clarke wake up!”

With the words comes a touch, a grip, almost painful on her shoulders, enough to make her groan in discomfort.

“Clarke, remember which day we are?”

 

For a moment, Clarke stays silent, not moving from her position at her paper-covered desk, sitting in her comfortable chair, curled on herself, head nestled on her crossed arms. But then, as her friend's voice reaches her brain, as the first conscious neuronal connexion of the day finally happens, it hits her.

In one sudden move, she sits up and turns to the side, a wide smile on her face “No way!

It’s today!? Oh my god! What are we waiting for!”

The girl's friend's hand flies to her forehead and her eyes roll up, as if searching the ceiling for some kind of divine help “For YOU thickhead! You have ten minutes to prepare.”

Ten minutes? Clarke hasn't looked at herself yet but somehow she knows it won't do “Wait O-”

“No. I’ll wait in the car with the others. Hurry Princess!” Octavia says, clapping her hands together. Clarke winces at the sound, overly loud for her slowly resurrecting body and mind. She yawns, bracing herself. Octavia rolls her eyes “I'm serious Clarkey, move your ass.”

 

The brunette exits the room, making sure to slam the door – which is proved effective as Clarke's head pounds at the noise – leaving the blonde alone. In another yawn, Clarke stands then slowly stretches each and every muscle made sore by her poorly chosen sleeping position. It's her favourite part of the day, the sweet state between sleep and awakeness, that bliss of waking up. No matter if she's late, she'll take the time to enjoy it.

When she's done she finally gives herself and her surroundings the attention they need. She's still in yesterday's clothes of course. Well clothes might be a big word since all that's left from it is a light short sleeved T-shirt and plain black panties. And a crocodile sock. And her room is... Back to chaos. To think it was clean two days ago... Now the wooden floor is covered in music sheets, there is crumpled paper everywhere and pretty much everything that once was in the closet and drawers is spilled all around the place.

“The hell did that happen...”

Clarke knows her tendency to mess up everything around her when she's writing, it's part of her creation process apparently. But this time it's a record.

Calmly, trying not to think about the time she'll need to clean up her room tomorrow morning, she scavenges through the piles of clothes and finds some sweatpants, underwears and a random hoodie. Quickly she runs to the shower but stops dead in her tracks when she sees herself in the mirror. Her greesy blonde hair is a worst mess than her room, she has – god knows how old – make up on her cheeks and around her eyes and her T-shirt...

“Note to self, Griffin : Never wear this shirt without a bra if you don't want the police to arrest you.” Proud of her joke she smiles and finally undresses – not that it makes a big difference.

 

She exits her building twenty minutes later, hair dripping and breathing heavy from rushing after spending too long getting rid of her almost dread locks. She runs to Octavia's brother's car on the other side of the street and inside the vehicle, her friends cheer and claps their hands in mocking ovation. Clarke, out of breath so unable to speak and fight back, only shakes her head and jumps in the car, taking her place in the passenger seat.

“You owe me ten bucks Jas.” Clarke hears from behind her. She contorts herself to look at Octavia and frowns at her friend in quiet questionning. “I betted you could make it in less than forty minutes.”

Forty minutes? _That's mean. I'm not that slow!_

Clarke turns to Jasper then, already preparing herself to strangle the boy “If she said forty, what did YOU bet?”

Jasper visibly sinks into his seat and mumbles a weak “An hour...” The blonde's jaw falls before she throws a friendly fist at Jasper's chest “Ow!”

“Clarke! Don't kill him please,” Octavia says, protecting the boy's body with her own, “He owes me money!”

Clarke growls in faked anger and sits back in her seat, crossing her arms on her chest.

“Come on buckle up Princess, we wasted enough time as it is.” the driver says and Clarke reluctantly obliges.

In a sigh, the blonde drops the previous argument – or to be more precise, archives it for later – and asks “Where are Monty and Raven?”

“Monty should join us at ten and Raven well... She may very well be waiting for us already.” Bellamy answers, unparking his car.

 

Silence falls then, Jasper probably knowing better than opening his mouth and Bellamy driving with a contagious smile at the corner of his lips. Thanks to him, Clarke too is smiling, giddy and enthusiastic, heart beating fast in scared anticipation. They've been waiting for this their entire lives and now it's finally here. It can mean paradise but also hell and the blonde can't help her leg bouncing in crazy rhythm with her heartbeat.

“Voice it Clarke.” Octavia says and it's like a switch.

Without control, words spill out from the blonde's mouth “What if the mail isn’t in the box when we arrive? What if it’s a no?”

“Oh god...”

“What? You're the one who told me to say it!”

“Yeah. I thought I was prepared to your dumbness but it seems I wasn't.”

Burrying her face in her hoody and sinking in her seat, Clarke mumbles “Fuck off.”

Bellamy clears his throat and asks with a mischievous grin “Clarke, is that your new lyrics I can read on your cheek ?”

“What !?” in an acces of panic, the blonde turns the rear-view mirror to look at her face. She sees nothing and suddenly remembers that for once she showered. “Bellamy! You Jerk!” she growls, punching his shoulder.

“Hey!” the boy yelps “It’s dangerous to hit the driver and play with the mirrors like that!” he scolds, adjusting the helpful tool that Clarke, in her eagerness, almost broke.

 

After another minute of silence, Jasper dares to speak again “Hey, O. remember this time when Clarke came out of her room with an entire page of lyrics printed on her thigh?”

The brunette claps her hands “Yes ! And the chorus was on her forearm!”

“And she had the title tattooed on her right cheek ! Remember it guys?”

In unison Clarke's three friends answer “I’m a mess !”

Clarke rolls her eyes but can't help her grin at the amusing memory. God she had spent so long on this one. To think she took the dubious feelings she had for the exam period and turned it into a love-hate story... And it worked. How it did is still a mystery for everyone but this song is the band's most popular title.

The blonde decides to play along. She huffs and says “What? I'm bad at picking titles.”

“Oh I think it was pretty accurate.”

“Shut up Jasper !” Clarke shouts with a smile, throwing her shoe behind her and earning a satisfying grunt.

To that follow laughs and then more shouting and other things flying into the car made battlefield until Bellamy stops them with a convincing 'Calm and silence or you walk'.

 

The threat of the driver is so effective that the rest of the way to the studio is spent in a relaxing – more than welcome – silence. After ten minutes of pouty faces, Bellamy finally parks his car in front of the tiny building he lives in with his sister. He has bought it for nothing and almost rebuilt it entirely to turn the ground floor into a music studio with sound proof isolation and the first floor into an apartment with two rooms. Clarke can recall the first day of the renovations like it was yesterday. She remembers the exact moment she opened the door and broke the handle. Or when she touched some wooden furniture and it crumbled. Or when a very old cutain changed into ashes between her fingers. There was also that night they all slept there and she heard weird noises all night that almost had her running away. She can still hear them sometimes.

 

Right now however, as she hops off her seat and meets the dark haired girl's eyes, she fears like ghosts won't be her biggest concern. She looks angry, pacing in front of the door, hands deep in her pockets and face burried under layers of hood and scarf. She looks like a turtle, Clarke thinks and she has to bite her cheek not to smile.

“Seriously I’ve been waiting for an eternity! What the heck were you doing!? Fucking grannies?!” Octavia bursts out laughing and Clarke giggles discreetly. Bellamy just sighs and shakes his head in despair. Jasper on another hand looks utterly disgusted which only pushes Octavia further in her laughter.

Unamused, the annoyed girl crosses her arms on her chest and turns to Bellamy, eyebrows crazily furrowed. “Hey, don't look at me Rav, ask the princess.”

Raven then turns to Clarke and the blonde chokes on her laughter, straightens her back and stops breathing. The brunette approaches, radiating anger. She looks at her friend, then squints her eyes and finally leans in to sniff at Clarke's hair. When she pulls back she sighs, turns back, pats Bellamy's shoulder and states “I'm sorry dude, I take back what I've said guys, I know you did your best.” Jasper brushes an invisible tear off his cheek and Octavia places a hand on her heart.

“Hey what does that mean?” Clarke asks, wary of the message her friends shared by telepathy.

Raven turns back to her with a glare “You know, you wouldn't need so long to shower if you did it more often.”

Outraged, the blonde gasps and yells “Hey, I spent my last three nights writing new lyris and music for our next audition, you should be grateful!”

Waving a hand and walking to the door, the brunette answers nonchalantly “Yeah, yeah. Stop bragging and open this door blondie my ass literally froze waiting for you.”

At that a spark of guilt hits Clarke as she doesn't see Raven's car anywhere, meaning that Finn probably drove her here and she has been waiting outside all along. Still angry though, the blonde can't hold back a weak “Drama queen...”

“What ?”

“Nothing.” Clarke answers Raven with a mischievous grin, grabbing the keys from Bellamy's hand. It would be her job to open the door, they all decided after she broke it the first time. Every time they're together like today, the keys are Clarke's and the building is not where the Blake siblings live, it's their band's studio. Without wasting any more time, Clarke turns the key, then the handle and finally pushed the door open. Eagerly she steps inside, takes off her hoodie and discards it on the first piece of furniture aviable before running to the desk to switch on the computer. Following her, Octavia, Jasper and Raven toss their coats on the couch and quickly join the girl at the desk, leaving Bellamy behind to pick up and hang their clothes on the coatrack, as usual.

 

Problem. No matter how many times the blonde presses the button, the screen refuses to come to tife. Jasper and Raven both try too – as if Clarke couldn't push a button correctly – but without success.

“Bellamy, why isn’t it working!?” Clarke whines and the man sighs, passing a hand through his hair. He slowly walks to the desk, ignoring his friend's pleas to 'hurry up. At some point he bends down and picks up a wire only to wave the plug in front of Clarke's face “If the computer is not plugged in it won’t work you know that right?” the girl snatches it from his hands and with a sigh he turns to Raven and Jasper. “Seriously though coming from O. and Clarke I’m not surprised. But ou two? I’m disappointed…” the self-proclaimed manager says with one of his characteristic smirks before exiting the room. As soon as he has disappeared, from the kitchen he yells “Raven, I already know how magnifiscent your middle finger is, no need to show me. And, because I know it will come, same goes for your tongue”

Clarke turns back to her friends with a mischievous smile, just in time to catch a glimpse of the blush on Raven's cheeks. With an offended scoff, the brunette ignores everyone and sits on the desk next to the laptop. “So? Mail received?”

Suddenly reminded of her real goal, the blonde turns back to her screen only to read 'Update 3/15'. “No! Why now!?”

Raven laughs, patting Clarke's back “It seems you're not the only one to make us wait this morning princess.” In a long moan of despair, the blonde lets her head fall, her forehead hitting the desk in a loud thud.

 

That's when the bell rings and the entry door opens. Clarke shivers from the cold engulfing in the room and sitting up to glare at the intruder, she groans loudly until the sweet voice of her favorite boy in the world echoes in the studio “Hey everyone, I'm here. Do we know yet?”

“Monty!” Clarke yells, standing “I missed you!” she says running to hug him, happy to see her friend for the first time in three weeks “How was Alaska?”

The boy hugs her back and laughs “Cold. But whatever, do we know?” he asks again pulling back, more insistant.

Clarke sighs “No. Because that ducking computer is currently updating!” She throws her arms to the ceiling before returning to the desk and letting herself crumble back on the chair, glad to read 'Update 10/15' on the screen.

 

Monty steps in further and takes off his coat, carefully hanging it on the rack. He greets everyone, hugging Octavia, punching Raven and half hugging half beating the crap out of Jasper saying some “Missed you lil' bitch!”

“Where is Bellamy?”

“In the kitchen, making coffee I think.” Raven answers, delighted by the idea of some good old boiling, burning, strong coffee.

“Okay, I'll join him, see if I can help.”

At that Monty leaves the room and the computer finally restarts, to Clarke's endearment and overflowing joy. She squeals and slaps Jasper in excitement.

“Hey! Why hitting me?”

The blonde shrugs “Just because. You were there.”

Raven laughs and mocks the boy but Clarke isn't listening. She's putting all her attention into opening the inbox.

Once it's done, she yells “Enough guys, it’s loading!”

Immediately they shushes and Octavia calls “Hey, Geeky and Big bro stop being perfect mommies and get your asses over here !”

Quickly – too quickly for the boy's “unaffected” act – Bellamy comes back from the kitchen, Monty right behind him. As if by magic, the mail's title appears on the screen a second later and Clarke freezes, heart stunned in her chest.

“What are you waiting for Clarke, click on It !” Jasper hurries.

She swallows the lump in her throat and takes a deep breath “Ok, ok I’m opening it ! Ready ?” slowly, with a shaky hand, she placed the mouse on the terrifying letters. In an incredible effort of concentration, her index pressed the button.

*CLICK*

The mail appear and they spend the next five minutes reading and rereading the tiny paragraph, making sure each word means what it's supposed to mean, that it's not fake, that it it't a dream. Then Clarke, tears in her eyes and sob in her voice, breaks the religious silence “Guys… We did it… We actually DID IT!”

“Holy shit…” Octavia mouthes, expressing out loud what everyone thinks, as usual.

 

Follows a session of too tight hugs and tears of joy and screamed swearwords. It is hard for Clarke to believe it, that their efforts finally payed , that the amazing is at their door.

Not caring about hiding his happiness anymore, Bellamy takes Clarke by the shoulders and pushes her aside without a care in the world “Move, I need to plan your next audition!”

The blonde is thrown into Raven's arms but she doesn't care, turns back to hug the girl even “I can’t believe we’re in fourth position among the five finalists...”

“Yes we are princess !” Raven's embrace tightens “Now let our 'momnager' work.”

Clarke pulls back and pounces further away from the desk she was almost sitting on “I’m so happy!”

Monty smiles “We all are.”

“Hey Princess, what’s our next song?” Octavia asks, sitting on the couch “The one you promised us! Show it!”

Legs still wobbly, Clarke goes to her coat, retreives a ball of paper out of one of her pockets and throws it to Raven who catches it without effort. She gives the poor thing in her hands a pitiful look “Seriously Clarke, even *I* am not so messy and disrespectful towards my things and creations…”

“Shut up and read the sheets.”

 

Waiting for her friend to tell her what they think about her three-days-and-night-in-a-row work, Clarke was slowly pacing along the longest wall of the room, hip bumping into the desk almost every time.

After what feels like a year, Octavia releases a huge sigh “Again? Clarke, it's been ten fucking years! Get over her already.”

Clarke expected that of course. Of all her friends Octavia is the one who still holds a grudge, who's still bitter and angry about what happened. After Clarke, she's the one who suffered the most from the harsh separation and each song the blonde writes, the lyrics always hit home with Octavia. A few years ago, the blonde would've been affected by such reproach but not today, not anymore. She's heard it so much already that it leaves her unphased.

Calmly and honest she answers “You know I can't.”

The brunette makes a face and turns to Bellamy “Bro please, say something!”

Eyes on his screen, already planning and reviewing and calculating, Bellamy answers distractedly “I don’t know a thing about female internal thoughts system functioning but I think if she's okay like that then, why not? Plus, Clarke’s best and most popular songs are those talking about her. No problem with this new song with me. See her as Clarke's muse.”

“Relax O. This song is good. I can already see what I'll do with it.” Monty added, winking at Clarke. Thankful, the blonde smiled at him and Bellamy, grateful to have them.

With another sigh and a head shake Octavia capitulates “Fine but it's the last time.” she says, giving the paper back to Jasper and putting her hands behind her head. Closing her eyes she adds “And just because it IS, in fact, a good song” At that Clarke throws herself on the couch, or more precisely on her friend, knocking the air out of her lungs.

Of course the brunette yells out her anger and of course Clarke laughs. The blonde pulls up and whispers in her friend's ear “I love you O.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

At five pm Bellamy is ready and done with packing everything in his car their instruments in his car.

Closing the trunk he complains “I know that you always insist on playing with your own instruments but it’s still a pain in my ass.”

Playfully, Clarke teases “I thought you loved tetris.” In answer he groans and pinches her nose before turning around the car to adjust god knows what on the backseat. The blonde admires him though. She could never make her favourite mic, Monty’s synthesizer, Raven’s bass, Octavia’s guitar fit in this car. Family car but still.

“Don’t forget you have to be at the bar at eight. Be ready and properly showered and dressed please.” the boy adds, side eyeing Clarke, Raven and his sister hard.

With a large smile, the girls answer “Yes mom !”

Bellamy only rolls his eyes and hopps his seat “Don’t forget, eight. Don’t be late !” he waves to them one last time before driving away, dirrectly to The Den.

 

 

* * *

 

Clarke's phone is vibrating for the fifth time in her backpocket when she and her band enter the bar.

“We’re back bitches !” Octavia yells and some regular customers clap their hands, cheering to which Octavia bos her head, a hand on her heart saying “Thank you, thank you!”

“You’re late.” Bellamy scolds, showing on his phone the alarmingly long list of unanswered calls.

Raven clicks her tongue “Oh please mommy, it’s eight. We’re in time.”

With a huge sigh Bellamy leads the way behind the scenes, followed by his punk-rock little band. In backstage they toss their coats all around the place once more, just to annoy their manager a little bit more. Clarke won't tell him they arrived, in fact, in advance but waited in the car, just to piss him off.

 

The pressure and stress Clarke used to feel before stepping on stage used to be overwhelming but today it's nothing more than a friendly ghost she learned to love. Now she's excited, and happy, eager and joyful.

When they're ready, they all take their usual places on the scene. Jasper in the back on the left, is wearing a red, lose and torn tank top, black pants with chains and nails, and black unlaced bover boots. Of course and as always, his steam punk goggles – lucky charm – dangle loosely around his neck. Monty next to him is more discreet, just wearing a simple short sleeved white T-shirt with the Japanese kanji for “strength” printed in red on his back, with torn black jeans and black boots. Raven at the front on the left has her hair tied in a high and tight ponytail. She's wearing a grey torn long hoodie without sleeves with its zipper open, letting her red sport bra and raven pendant show. She also has black essential denim shorts with dark red strapped leather boots. Octavia at the front on the right iss wearing thick leather black boots with heels and platform sole. She has black low-waisted pair of nailed shorts with torn tights. She also decided to wear the short tank top her brother hates because the sneaky animal hid it under his bed. He never really got along with the idea of his sister showing her belly to hundreds of unknown people.

And there's Clarke. In the centre of course. Her hair is wild, her eyes were encircled by dark make-up highlighting her blue irises everyone praises her for. A black simple ribbon is wrapped tightly around her neck. She's wearing a dark grey jean jacket with its sleeves rolled-up to her elbows. Under it, a dark red leopard translucent tank top and to go with it all she decided to wear her favourite jeans, dark and tight and torn and worn out but still cool. And of course her own good-luck charm, her bloody red Doc Martens.

 

And here they were again, on the stage of an old small concert hall, reorganized in a bar-like kind of place by the owner. With the bar on one side, the scene at the back and the space left filled with chairs, tables and people, The Den was the most frequented bar in town and Clarke's favorite place, her band's place. Echo's goal when she opened the bar was to promote young artists while doing some benefits so every night the stage welcomed different bands from everywhere around. Except saturday nights, nights like tonight. On saturdays, the stage was The Arkers' stage where they started playing two years ago and never stopped since.

 

 

Clarke can't help her smile, the swell of her heart, and the songs flooding her mind. Slowly she wraps her hand around the mic, fingertips burning in anticipation, lips tickling from not singing.

As usual, like every saturday night, she greets “Good night everyone! Hope you'll enjoy the show!”

Then it's Jasper's beat, Raven's bass, Monty's synth, Octavia's guitar and... finally she can sing.

 

 


	2. The Den - Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry I'm late but I'm back from holidays and it was hard to reconnect myself with serious stuff haha. Anyway here is chapter two. hope you'll like it

“ _Yu Gonplei ste odon“_

Lexa stares at her wall, the ticking of the clock the only sound in the room. She's supposed to pick one of the two poster prototypes for her new movie but she just can't choose. For some reason, something's wrong. It's Sunday, nine in the morning and she's just sitting on her bed admiring two  piece of glossy paper on which she can barely recognize herself. 

A loud, husky meow drags Lexa out of her thoughts and she turns around to find Ymir sitting at the doorstep of her bedroom.

“What?” she asks, more grumpy than she thought she was.

The cat's tail only waves from left to right

The cat sat on the floor in the exact middle of the door frame. Another meow. Accompanied by a piercing gaze.

“No need to look at me like that. I’m not going” the cat kept staring at her and they engaged in one of their now legendary “staring competition”

 

Of course as usual, Ymir wins.

“Fine ! I’ll go if I have time !” she says standing, throwing her hands to the ceiling “Now I have to move. I’m supposed to meet Lincoln at ten and I’m not ready.”

Lexa isn’t really what people commonly call a ‘talkative person’ but because she feels like Ymir can see right through her, she always ends up talking and justifying herself out loud to her cat. And Ymir seems to enjoy it. A lot. ‘This cat is scary !’ or ‘Your cat is a sadist…’ people has said and it's probably true. But Lexa loves her. She, with her beautiful encircled with black hazelnut eyes, her sumptuous spotted fur, her delicate and elegant features and her really big but atrociously cute ears. A real first generation savannah. Though as much as people are badmouthing Ymir, they are criticizing Lexa. ‘You’re spoiling her.’, ‘You’re such a mommy.’ or ‘It’s just a cat you know?’ they say but the woman doesn't care. Ymir is the only one following her everywhere, accepting every hotel or apartment without trouble, she's the only one with enough love to give to Lexa regardless of how little time she spends at home.

 

But Ymir is sassy and proud and it's with her head high, her tail straight as a pole and her hips unbelievably swaying left and right that she slowly walks to the living room.

Lexa just sighs, used to her cat,'s personality, and forces herself to stand and start the too long five metters walk to her bathroom. She takes a way too long shower before picking plain dark jeans and a tight black shirt. She puts on some make up for good measure. Well 'some' might not be the word as her eyeliner and mascara have Anya call her 'Zorro', Indra, a warrior (the woman has weird references) and Lincoln, a fucking raccoon.

She looks at herself in the mirror and nods, satisfied. Anya, Lincoln and Indra are blind. She was not some weird TV series hero fighting with a sword or an animal, she's just hot. She smirks. Yes, yes hot is the word.

Then she **puts** on her favorite heeled boots (not because she is small and has a tiny, barely there complex) and her insanely long and impressive black coat. Closed tight on her waist and lose on her legs, so loose that it almost looked like a cloak and god how she loves the way it waves and make her look badass. Not that she isn’t without the coat though.

Black thin leather gloves, black beanie, white fluffy scarf and sunglasses and she's ready to go out. And running late.

_Whatever._

 

_* * *_

 

 

When Lexa opens the door of ‘The Warrior Family’, her favorite coffee shop the woman at the counter poorly fakes surprise and exclaims “Hey if it isn’t my late little sister!”

Lexa grumble and answers “Not today, Anya.”

Anya raises an eyebrow “First day off in forever and you’re in a bad mood? Good for you.”

Lexa answers with an exasperated sigh and a shake of her head. It really is not the day. She notices Lincoln in a corner and without a look for Anya she joins him.

“You’re late.” He says sternly and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Obviously.” Sarcasm may not be the proof of a strong mind, as Gustus used to say but whatever. Anya is right, she's in a bad mood, she won't bother hiding it.

“Right.” he answers curtly “Sit please.”

Lexa does as said and relaxes on her chair, throwing her head back and closing her eyes “Found your new band yet?”

“No not yet. Beautiful voices and good musicians are easy to find but I need something more.”

Lexa thinks for a moment, hesitates. She doesn't want to be linked to her old life anymore but Lincoln is desperate and owes him too much not to help.

“Lexa?”

“I may have a band for you.”

Lincoln’s eyebrows shoot up “Really?”

“Yes. Can I give them your address and phone number?”

“Of course.” he smiles and takes a sip of his coffee “So who is it? Can I have a name?”

Lexa shruggs. She really doesn't want to deal with people's weird gazes, questions and insinuations so she eludes “You’ll see.” She shrugged.

Lincoln sighs “You’re in a bad mood. What happened?”

“Nothing. At all” She states coldly then adds “Or maybe. I lost against Ymir again.”

He huffs “This cat is impressive. Maybe your only weakness.”he smirks and winks and that's it Lexa wants to punch him.

Lexa growls and rolls her eyes then sighs “I wish.” she confesses, letting herself sink in her chair, a hand on her forehead in exhaustion and something else that she can't identify, that weird feeling that doesn't want to go away.

Lexa hears the words before Lincoln voices them. She reads them in his eyes, she knows what he'll talk about and already she wants to get up and leave“How do you feel? Coming back here?”

Today is not the day to have this conversation but the woman knows it, Lincoln won't give up. She sighs for what feels like the umpteenth time today and, playing with her hair mechanically she answers “Nostalgic. Melancholic maybe.” He raises an unconvinced eyebrow and again she rolls her eyes “I feel sick okay? I want to wrap up this movie as soon as possible and get the hell out of here.”

“You used to love living here.”

Lexa shakes her head “Not anymore. I know too many people, it's tiring.”

Lincoln slowly joins his hands in front of him, resting them on the table and god how Lexa wants to run away from the advice she doesn't want to hear “You’re planning on avoiding every old acquaintances of yours for the rest of your life? Watching from afar?” She averts her eyes and huffs. “You’re a coward and a liar Lexa.”

The words hurt and Lexa knows why. She wants to answer that she knows and she's happy like that but somehow she can't, it doesn't sound right. She has to tell him though, that she is this way and nothing can't change her. She's tried in the past but nothing ever worked, ever.

She's about to contradict her cousin when a well-known high pitched voice pierces everyone's ears with a loud “Auntie!”

This voice is the sound of relief, it has always been and Lexa’s face lightens “Hey Mia!” she esclaims as a cute five year old girl runs to her knees. Faking astonishment, the woman says “Look at you! You grew up again!” The girl giggles and extends her arms, waiting for Lexa to lift her up. Of course Lexa does and sits the little girl on her lap. Taking her glasses off she asks “No school today?” Mia shakes her head “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s changing clothes. He was painting.” the little girl says with a pout and a very strong lisp that never fails to melt Lexa's heart. Then she grasp the woman's shirt and fists at it nervously before asking in a timid voice “You here for my birthday next week?”

It is with the best kind of overwhelming pleasure that Lexa smiles widely and answers “Yes. I will. Are you happy?” she questions, kissing the little girl's nose.

“Yes!” Mia answers in a chuckle before hugging her beloved ‘auntie’ and from the corner of her eye, Lexa sees Lincoln shake his head, sporting a gentle smile. She just gave him more material to tease her but she doesn't care. Mia is not just a kid, Lexa loves her because she's her niece, she doesn't like children. Plus, the little girl is the exact replica of Lexa when she was young. Brown wild hair, delicate features and strong personality, how could she not love her?

“Auntie.”

A deeper but still yound voice says and it is with renewed delight that Lexa turns around to look at her nephew “Come here!” She says, extending her free arm.

Liyam approaches and Lexa slides a hand on the nape of his neck, making him bow low enough for her to gently kiss his forehead. The boy offers her one of his most beautiful smiles, one he stole from his father and Lexa's heart swells big in her chest. He really looks more and more like Gustus.

“You’re twelve now right? Tell me about you. How’s school?”

The boy sits at the table and starts talking about nothing and everything, about his life, what he likes, his friends and Lexa realises with bitter nostalgia how much have past.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa leaves the coffee shop around noon. She has to meet with Indra and pissing her off by being late is the last thing the brunette wants. Reuniting with her family calmed her down a little but she is still tense and definitely not in the mood for a fight with her manager.

Of course, because it is undoubtedly a really bad day, the parking in front of the restaurant where Indra is most likely already waiting for her, is full. She turns around for ten minutes before finally by some holy miracle, finding a lot three streets away from her initial goal.

 

In front of the restaurant she pauses and breathes, preparing herself to receive Indra’s wrath without making a scene. When she thinks she is ready, she enters and spots the woman at the booth in the corner, the farthest from the door and the windows of course. Walking to her, Lexa rolls her eyes. The woman is too serious when it coms to this whole 'incognito' thing.

“You’re late” a low voice scowls and Lexa clenches her fists.

It’s going to be a very long lunch, she thinks. “Obviously. I had some trouble parking my car.” she says.

The woman clicked her tongue “Sarcasm is not-“

“The product of a strong mind, I KNOW Indra.”

Already her manager was annoying her and it was only her second line of the day. But they have to talk so the brunette swallows back her need to leave and sits.

Indra eyes her carefully for a moment then asks “Sunglasses and beanie?”

In a sigh Lexa answers “Indra, nobody’s going to attack me and you know I can defend myself.”

“What if somebody recognizes you ?”

“Then I’ll sign some autographs. The worst that can happen is a poor paper cut.”

“You always do whatever you want anyway.” Indra says in a sigh, waving her hand before letting it fall loudly on the table in surrender “Don’t even know why I’m still trying to give you advice.”

“Oh please Indra not today.” she lets out, tired “You know I need you. Now can we start talking business? Because I’m nervously exhausted and wish to go home as soon as I can.”

 

Indra is about to answer when a waitress come to take their orders, giving Lexa the breathe she needed. Her mission accomplished the waitress returns to the kitchen and the brunette jumps on the occasion to change the subject.

“So. My schedule for the next week ?”

“I emailed it this morning.”

“You know I don’t like technology.” she groans. She knows it's selfish, that she asks a lot from Indra already, that she's hard to deal with but she really can't use a phone or a computer at all God knows how many devices she broke already, just trying to turn the on open google.

“I know. That’s why I printed it just in case.”

Lexa snorts “You should’ve started with that”

Indra offers her a quick smirk before turning back into high class boring manager mode (according to Lexa) “Monday you have two interviews. One in the morning for the local newspaper and one in the afternoon for the regional channel. Tuesday afternoon you have a photoshoot for next month’s Shumway magazine. You’re starting shooting Wednesday and then every day until Sunday.”

“I’m free next Sunday too then?”

“Yes. It’s Mia’s birthday right ?”

A small but soft smile stretches Lexa’s lips “Yes. She’s turning six”

“You met them earlier? How were they?”

“Happy. Miya is as sparkling as ever. Liyam is talkative but calm and mature.” Lexa knows that's not why he seems so shy and the next words escape her mouth before she can think about them twice like shs should “I think he misses his father.”

Of course silence fall. Lexa shouldn't have said that.

 

“For whom was the carbonara ?” a joyful voice interrupts and Lexa lifts her right hand without a word. The waitress put down the women's plates but then stays in place. At the strange behavior, Lexa looks up to her and the girl is openly staring back at her. Unsure of what to do the brunette fakes a smile and asks nicely “A problem miss ?”

The girl, visibly startled, blushes bright red “No! Nothing! Enjoy your meal!” and literally runs away to the kitchen.

“She knows who you are”

Lexa represses an 'Oh my god won't you stop' and instead just drops the subject saying “Whatever. Not important.”

Indra gets the clue and doesn't push further. She nods to Lexa’s plate “Carbonara again ?”

“So w hat? I love it. And this restaurant’s carbonara used to be the best on earth.” Lexa remembers. It has been years but she can still remember the taste of those pastas. She used to eat here at least three times a week as a teen, here with- A knot forms in her stomach at the thought and she chases the memory away as fast as she can, concentrating on the conversation at hand. She clears her throat and asks “And you, why always eating meat? You know it’s bad for your health right?”

“Who cares what I eat. You’re the star.”

Lexa runs a finger on the side of her plate, gathering some sauce “I care.” she says before licking her digit, humming as her favorite taste fills her mouth.

Indra huffs with a small smile “Wednesday in two weeks. I cleared your schedule.”

Lexa bows her head solemnly in recognition “Thank you”

“Offer Anya and the kids my condolences.”

“Why not coming with me ?”

“No. I have work to do.”

“You will be missed.” Lexa concludes though she knows it is not necessary. Indra is conscious of the fact already, it is just up to her to decide to come along or not.

 

The rest of their conversation is about work and how Lexa was doing everything wrong of course. About how insanely busy they will both be during the next few months and how Lexa should enjoy her upcoming almost holidays.

 

They are done talking and eating when the waitress comes back to ask “Would you like some dessert ?”

“No thank you, just two black coffee please.” Lexa says, smiling again, a trick she has learnt to use long ago. And she knows it. Indra can't stand it and well, Lexa has never been the type to ask for vengeance but she can't deny the satisfaction she feels every time she shows her ‘for fan’ smile.

The girl blushes again, maybe morethan the first time and answers, stiff and loud “I’ll be right back!” Lexa smirks at her nervousness. Cute waitress.

 

As promised, the girl comes back not five minutes later with their coffee. She puts them on the table then her eyes jump from Lexa to the ground then Lexa again and finally a group of whispering and giggling girls, a few tables away.

The girl swallows hard and finally dares to speak “Um… Miss? Are you by any chance… Lexa Wild?”

 _How unexpected_ , Lexa humors to herself. The corner of her lips curls again “Yes I am. What’s your name?”

The waitress obviously represses a squeal and by now her face is almost glowing red. She ttakes a deep breath and voice trembling slightly she answers “E-Emily”

“That’s a beautiful name.” Lexa says, more charming than necessary to annoy Indra a little bit more then asks more seriously “Can you give me the bill please?”

“Y-yes! Of course! Wait a minute!” Emily, obviously prepared for that, takes a little paper out of the pocket of her apron and puts it on the table. The actress pays cash and smiles to the girl again. “I-I love your work. I think you’re very talented!” Emily says, overjoyed.

Lexa has heard those words a lot, they're not a surprise anymore but she still values each of them and she's honest when she answers “Thank you”

The waitress licks her lips nervously “I wish you a good afternoon then and we’d be happy to see you in our restaurant again!”

“Maybe if I have time. Good afternoon to you too.” Emily bows and returns to her kitchen faster than a rabbit in its hole.

 

Indra and Lexa both stay silent until the actress mischievously comments “She was nice”

“That’s why I don’t like these small restaurants. You can’t be alone.”

“Don’t be mean.” Lexa pulls a paper towel from the dispenser and a pencil from one of her pockets. She writes ‘From Lexa Wilde to Emily’ and signs the towel.

“You’re too kind.” Indra says with a sigh.

“She was nice with us so I’m Nice with her. It’s an exchange, nothing more. And it’s not like it was costing me a lot.”

“Whatever”

 

 

They drink in silence then finished, Indra stands “I’m going. See you Monday”

“See you”

Lexa takes five more minutes to savor her coffee. The pastas were as good as she remembered and the coffee is not too bad though not as delicious as Anya's. She takes the time to look at people, at the group of girls from earlier that are probably Emily's friends, at the old man reading newspaper, at the man eating pancakes talking to himself and the couple being disgustingly in love at the table next to hers. Disgust fills her when she looks at those and she decides that she's stayed long enough.

She's out and on the pavement when Emily bolts out of the restaurant, towel in hand “Thank you! Thank you so very much!”

Smiling largely she nods her head “It was a pleasure” then thinks, m _aybe it’s not such a bad day after all._

The girl bows again and Lexa turns on her heels, already trying to remember where she parked her car.

She doesn't feel like going back home yet. She stops by a park, she knows by heart and just walks down the path. When she starts remembering things she thought burried, the sickening feeling comes back. She knows too many people and places her, no matter where she goes, she knows. Memories are everywhere hidden in every corner, that's why she hates it here. But she doesn't have the choice. She has to deal with it for a few more weeks. Just a few more weeks.

She stands and looks at her watch. Already four pm. _Time to go home._

 

On the way, she stops by a convenience store to by what she needs for dinner and some expensive fresh salmon for Ymir in a fish shop oddly named Morgan.

 _I’m not spoiling her. I happened to pass by a fish shop and thought about her and remembered she liked it so I bought it._ That’s all. She tells herself. It's a lie of course but whatever.

 

When she opens the door of her apartment, she yells “Ymir, guess who bought you salmon for dinner?” The cat runs out of the bedroom to jump on the counter and sniff the bags of food “No. Not so fast young lady. It’s not dinner yet so you wait.”

Without a look for Lexa, the cat returns to the ground. She jumps on the couch and curls up, letting just enough space for her mistress to sit next to her. The brunette rolls her eyes, puts the fish in the refrigerator, sits on the couch next to Ymir and turns on the TV.

Abscent mindedly, Lexa starts to pet Ymir gently, making the cat purr in delight. The woman smiles. That's why she loves her cat. She's here when nobody is. Then Lexa notices. On screen there is an interview of Lexa Wilde.

She barely remembers that one and somehow she can't recognize herself.

Acting has always been her dream but now she's forced to act all the time. She hates Lexa Wilde. If interviews and public appearances weren’t an obligation she’d avoid it as much as she could. She loves her fans of course and she is always honest with them but she doesn't like being treated like a merchandize in the commercial system of cinema. She changes the channel for a cultural one on which they broadcasted a documentary about African felines.

“See Ymir ? Your cousins!” The cat nonchalantly looks at the screen, yawns and closes her eyes again. “Don’t brag. I know you’re pretty too.” Lexa says, poking the poor animal who eyes her weirdly at the touch.

 

She watches TV until eight then cooks some pastas, and the salmon she shares with Ymir. Her plate finished she puts some water to boil and prepares her cup and her last tea bag on the counter. She loves her simple routine. People often asked her if she feels lonely but what they don’t understand is that Lexa enjoys this life. Her solitary life with Ymir. The cat is all she needed.

As she washes the dishes, she notices said cat on the kitchen island behind her, piercing through her with her intense gaze.

Discomfort settles inside Lexa's stomach somehow and after a moment she states “I’m not going.” The woman finishes her task and turns to look her cat right in the eyes. They stay like that for five long minutes when Lexa’s determination wavers “I’m not going.”

In an instant Ymir grabbs the tea bag in her mouth and rushes to Lexa’s room. “Hey! Give it back!”

Lexa runs after her cat only to find her calmly sitting on a cardboard box. “I know what you’re trying to say but no.” They enter a new staring contest and as usual... “FINE! I’m going! Happy now!?” she finally agrees, raising her arms in surrender.

 

She dresses the same way she did in the morning, fixes her make up to make it perfect, and exits her room. Leaving Ymir still sitting on the box, smiling one of her well known devilish cat smiles.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Twenty minutes that Lexa has been sitting there in her car, trying to find the courage to get out and enter that goddamn bar. Why is she even here in the first place? It's not like she has any obligation. And yet... Lexa knows why of couse, she's here because she wants it. Because just like her own fans paying to see her in real life, all she wants is to see at least one of The Arker's concerts with her own eyes. Videos, recordings, they're good but she wants to see them, hear them, her. She can't meet her though. She can't do that to her, she doesn't have the right to. Not after what she did.

Lexa growls at the thought “Fuck it !”

She feels like if she waits even one more minute, she'll never do it so she jumps out of her car and crosses the street almost eagerly. But when she reaches the door she stops. She can hear music. And a voice she used to know. Husky, warm, comforting. The voice of her ghost.

_I can’t !_

She turs around, ready to run away when she recognizes a bunch of old classmates walking in her direction. Her heart stops in her chest at the idea that they would want to talk so without giving it a second thought, she pushes the door open and almost throws herself inside. 

 

Of course Lexa notices her first. Time freezes around her and all she can hear is the singer. Of course Lexa has seen pictures and videos but it's not them she is refering to when she thinks,  _she's the same_ . A few years older and a bit more... savage too but it's still her, the girl Lexa used to know. And her voice and her music, everything is overwhelming and for a moment she's split between her urge to run on the stage and hold the girl, to whisper in her ear how sorry she is, and the need to pull back and walk away, for the girl's own good. Lexa doesn't deserve the girl and she knows it. 

Finally she braces herself and looks around. She inhales a sharp breath when her eyes fall onto a familiar silhouette. She gulps, composing herself then lets her legs et her legs carry her to the bar.

She sits next to the man and  orders a Dirty Martini ,  her voice weaker than she wants it to be.

At first there is only music but then the next song starts and the man speaks “Why are you here? ”

Lexa tries to swallow the lump in her throat and lies “Like any customer, I wanted a drink”

“Bullshit. I know you’re following her. ” Lexa’s heart stops. He knows? “ But it’s usually one of your minions. Why is it you today?”

She closes her eyes. It is true. She usually asks her assistants or friends to come to the Arker’s concerts to record videos or take photos. The ir work has always been flawless but apparently not discreet enough.

“You’re well informed . ” she pauses, searching for words “I'm shooting here this month. And I had time.” then lower, almost whispering she adds “And I wanted to.”

“Are you gonna talk to her ? “

Almost harshly she answers “I’m here to watch . ”

“Coward . ” Lincoln’s words echo in her head, and she grits her teeth.

“It’s been ten years. She forgot . ”

Bellamy lets out a huff and an exasperated sigh, a smirk  plastered on  his face “I shouldn’t tell you that but, in two weeks, here, they have an audition. If they win they’ll be able to release their first album . ”

This is new to Lexa and she can't hold back the truth  “It’s wonderful . ”

“Come . ”

“What ?”  Her eyes widen at the crazy request and  she turns  to  fully  f ace Bellamy. One reunion in ten years is nearly killing her so a second one in the same month? Impossible.

“The audition. If you don’t show up I won’t let you or your minions approach her ever again . ”

The threat is terrifying but she just can't so she tries “I have a really precise schedule, I don’t know if-“

“ Stop searching excuses and j ust come Lexa”  he almost orders and every word she has left die in her throat. 

The woman turns  back to her glass and looses herself on the tiny waves that the strong bass creates at the surface of the liquid. For a moment she thinks then, just like earlier, she swears, gulps down the liquid courage in one go and decides on an impulse. 

She grabs a napkin and  writes :  ‘I f you want help, call this guy : Manager Lincoln Wilde. ’ She hesitates a little before adding a phone number and mail address under Lincoln’s. And a note that specifies “ M ine”.

 

She leaves, letting Bellamy  and what used to be a part of her behind, still wondering if she will ever find the courage to come back.

 


	3. My computer died and that's why I'm late

Ok so I'm tired of publishing notes and no updates so I didn't think I'd post one this time too but as time passes I think I owe you explanations. 

You know how cats are assholes? Well my nice little kitty named Angel (ahem) jumped on my closed laptop. It's a computer tablet so the screen is basically a tablet and when I opened my dear laptop the screen was cracked. It was still working normally so I thought 'meh, it's annoying but I can still write at least' and then 3 days later the laptop wouldn't turn on. I took it back to the shop so that they can fix it. They said 'you'll get it back in ten days.' I've been waiting for a month. 

One could think that of course since I have my tablet I can write on tablet but all my 'in progress' chapters stayed in the laptop... I'm trying to write a bit, like, one scene here, some smut there but I just HATE to write on tablet. It's such a pain in my ass it's very hard for me to put my mind into writing. I handwrite too but I can't write details o rework on texts like I wuld want to. 

Anyway, I'm stuck until my computer is back home. I am very very very sorry about that, but if you hafe to blame someone, blame my cat. Seriously this computer got fixed last year too (at the same period strangely...) and I'm starting to be tired of it. Because my bday is jan 31th I asked my parents if I could get a new laptop for christmass/bday and they said yes! So this hell will end soon I hope.

In any case, I am sorry and hope you will forgive me. I hate it when I can't write at all but believe me I do what I can.

See you guys soon I hope

Camille

**Author's Note:**

> no need to ask me when I will update next, I don't know lol, I'm working on so many things at the same time... Really, I don't know. 
> 
> thanks for reading guys :3


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